I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
