I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize