There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
