I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
