so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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