can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
