I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
