I want to have your abortion
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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