I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
