roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
