im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
