for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
