and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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