Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
