she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
