I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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