they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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