Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
