Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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