I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
