I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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