It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
