Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
