just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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