Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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