Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
