u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
