my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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