I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
