so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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