so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
