Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
