Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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