I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
