It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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