How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
