I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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