I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
third nipple confirmed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
