I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
