I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
