as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize