babies were throwing up all over the place
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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