I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
