and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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