I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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