I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize