im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
