Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize