just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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