my mouth tastes like poor choices
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My vagina is very pro this idea
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