dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
