I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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