that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
