Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
