I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
