I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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