its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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