She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
