While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
