Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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