I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
