He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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