So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
