My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
