I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
